..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
