Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize