As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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