i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That accounts for only three of the penises
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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