She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
