we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
