GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
