he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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