If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
