Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
