so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
