I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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