The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize