So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
