Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
