just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
