your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
