hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
