Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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