What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
