Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
