jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
