Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
