it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
