im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
