he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
