I wish you could order shots online.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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