I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
