PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't put those talents on a resume
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
