it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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