I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
