Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
