i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How external is "for external use only"?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize