I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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