Betty ford says i'm here all night
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Farmville is her only friend.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
