Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
