My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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