What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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