Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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