im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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