No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
