I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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