Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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