I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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