well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
