Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
