My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
