Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
