I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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