The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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