my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
