At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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