jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
