you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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