the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
