it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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