Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
