No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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