guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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