Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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