dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
