Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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