C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
