What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
